Snowbama!

60 crazy, smothering, blanketing, powdery inches of snow fell in Maryland during the past six days.   An unprecedented weather event like this can only have one explanation ... Obama.

President Barack Obama, that is. 

His catalog of sins is grave.  Surely, the snow is punishment for our state's proximity to his great wickedness. 

A review of his transgressions quickly reveals the path to our current woes.

Healthcare for all?  This is sinful insanity.  Humans thrive on competition for resources, especially in life or death situations!  What cruel ignorance would eliminate this necessary competition?  No nation should afford its citizens the luxury of walking into a hospital to receive care.  Work for this right! Work will make us strong!

Bailing out banks?  This is yet more hubris and willful malevolence.  When banks fail, we all win!  Study our nation's history!  The benefits of the crash of 1929 are undeniable.  Americans enjoyed the thrill of competition as they waited in long lines for money, work, or food.  We were a deliciously thinner nation then!  In a modern context, only the strongest banks will survive, and the tidy consolidation that follows will benefit all.  Every red-blooded American should be grateful for the chance to be a customer of a single massive mega-bank!  Obama is a monster to deny us this birthright. 

Climate policy?  Pure evil.  Clearly this massive snowfall is evidence that global warming is a hoax.  If it is not immediately warmer in my own backyard, how can global warming be real?  "Stuff and nonsense," said Alice loudly in response to reports that the planet's temperature is on the rise.  "More beach front property for everyone!" 

Bi-partisan legislation?  Perhaps Obama's greatest error ... His vision that Americans could work together for a common good, could make budgetary and policy decisions that would benefit the greatest number of citizens, this is unadulterated folly.  Quite obviously, he is a stupid and confused Washington outsider.   A hasty examination of history and precedent demonstrates that a legislator only works to advance his individual cause and to retain his seat.  And, of course, the party out of power has a moral responsibility to create obstructions, to erect obstacles, to preach against change, and most naturally, to demonize the party in power. 

Well, in the words of a once and former king, "mission accomplished."   The heavens have heard the cry of a demon in our midst, and they have seen to open up with a wrathful vengeance.  We are blanketed, smothered, drowning in snow, and, like everything else these days, it's Obama's fault. 

Copyright 2010 Karen Napolitano