BREAKING NEWS

... that you wish you could hear :

Los Angeles
Sunday, June 28
7:00 a.m. PT

"A source close the Jackson family has disclosed that South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford sent a large fruit basket accompanied by a handwritten note to the family's Encino compound. Sanford's poignant card expressed his condolences for their loss and his deep gratitude for the unexpected media deflection.

Suffering under recent media scrutiny, Sanford enjoyed a few uninterrupted minutes earlier today to catch up on his e-mails. The South Carolina governor has faced significant criticism for his travels both in and out and back and forth to Argentina.

Sanford maintains that a torn map and faulty sense of direction led him off the Appalachian trail. 'Traditionally, I stay on the straight and narrow,' the governor lamented, 'but before I finished my trail mix and put on a fresh pair of socks, I found myself on a plane for Buenos Aires.' The governor further asserted that he suspected a plot executed by liberal pundits or possibly a member of the Obama administration. 'I had the right map earlier in the year,' Sanford argued 'It was tucked inside my bible.' 'Someone must have switched it' he added emphatically.

A spokesperson for the Obama adminstration acknowledged that documents pertaining to the stimulus package had been sent to Sanford a few months ago but were returned unopened. No maps were included in the dossier. Recent stories about Sanford's trips to Argentina suggest that he accepted an alternate stimulus package.

In a related story, the Jackson family will reportedly send a complimentary CD of Michael's hit PYT to Sanford."

Copyright 2009 Karen Napolitano